Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Matters Political.

It was never my wish for this blog to contain any serious political opinion but rather for it to be a facility to relieve my boredom.  In that task it has partially succeeded.  However I have a desire to post something somewhat serious, almost confessional.  Firstly I would like to point out this is a work of opinion, and so therefore will not be footnoted and will not cite authority at any given opportunity, most of what I say will most likely not be truly original in its grand idea but neither will it be copied from any source material.  Secondly whether you agree or disagree I welcome any comment.

I am for all intents and purposes a conservative though I hope you note with a small c, which sub-genre I am not sure.  To say that you are conservative is an ordeal in itself such are the politically charged times we live in, politics feels dirty and no matter which side you bat for the dirt flung from either side hits all the same.  Perhaps I should quickly summarise my beliefs.  I believe that the state should be limited in its powers and keep out of affairs that are personal including marriage and religion, as an adage I believe in personal liberty and personal responsibility for ones actions, and a part of my being does feel that some things are best done slowly and with consideration with all that has come before and will yet come.  I hope based on those beliefs I am not too objectionable a character.

I believe all these things yet I cannot bring myself to believe that in the context of UK politics such a force exists, at least in the political mainstream.  Essentially I suppose I feel disenfranchised.  Abandoned by the 3 P's, politicians, politics, and parties.  I suspect it is not a feeling that I am alone in feeling, nor do I suspect it is one limited to persons of my political persuasion.  I do not wish to indulge in nostalgia - I am not suggesting that any particular generation "had it so good".  Rather that the gap between the ruled and rulers has widened.  I speak generally of course, as always there will be exceptions that constituency MP who really does work hard for the voters, taking there concerns to parliament and using his or her judgement to best suit the interests of the people.  However its hard to deny that the politician as a generic sub-species is looking increasingly clone like.  They work in think tanks, or PR, by the age of 30 they are elected to parliament by a party system that seeks nothing more than to elevate them as quickly as possible.  The professorial politician.

Now more than ever Westminster is becoming a world of its own, a political class trained to work on its benches rather than feeling any civic duty, its own vernacular with statements that say a lot and mean little, where language is used to confuse simple ideas.  Does anybody feel they can honestly relate to any of the big political headlines over the last couple of decades?  I personally find it hard to.  Pleb-gate being a case in practice, the political scandal of the decade thus far.  Did we all care so much about that one man called another a name?  A name indeed that no longer holds relevance in today's lexicon?  My background is firmly working class - I use the word pleb as an endearing term to throw at friends during acts of immense stupidity - usually on the football pitch not as an indication of their class. The papers had a field day and convinced us otherwise - this was a class war the truth much duller - establishment infighting - the government, the police the media 3 organisations who have become too bloated and forgotten there duties. Sky News, BBC News, the totality of mainstream broadcast media were live at the scene of the heinous offence.  Blame needed to be apportioned, somebody had to go - and go he did.  Though recent revelations appear to suggest a degree of injustice present in the whole saga.  That I suppose is the biggest fault of the system - the need to attribute blame has reached a level where facts no longer matter, events no longer matter.  All symptoms seem to point to a political industry that chronically runs around chasing its own tail like a demented dog.

This Parliament consists of members who have dipped there hands in the till from the money we permit them, who accuse others of violating laws they themselves seemingly fall foul of, who in fact do not even take the care to read the very law they enact.  Surely these are the things that should vex us?  Instead the trebuchet is loaded with the political tittle tattle that interests only a select few, politics has become an extension of the daytime TV revelation chat show, and the press its glossy magazine parasitical companion, one need only look at the incestuous relationships at the very top, Blair the godfather to Murdoch's baby, Adam Boulton is practically related to the Labour Party, Cameron and Brooks the list goes on, no side can claim any sanctimony and the examples could fill the government spending gap.  Yet they remain our elected representatives - and I suppose the blame must fall on us - the electorate.  We are the fools who give them office and in turn power, and must never forget that fact for we and we alone are the only means of removing them and until we do will only have ourselves to blame.

Its a sorry state of affairs.  The political elite have created a system where they are largely unaccountable. By transferring power to organisations and bodies both foreign and domestic that are not subject to the simplest form of democratic procedure (that is direct vote) policy remains largely unchanged no matter what party holds office.  That is because politicians that we elect to make decisions on our behalf no longer make them. This is not always a terrible thing to do, in some instances such as restraining inflation by removing the governments ability to set interest rates for short term political gain has proven effective but it should not be applied to every branch of government.  Ultimately I can't help but feel that an entity that holds office, and power without tangible responsibility - where one is more likely to lose a job for a PR gaffe than stealing money from the public at large will only become further corrupted and further detached from its source of power - the people.

The gradual shredding of responsibility has I suggest created a lawless political elite, that left unchecked will lead us all to a darker tomorrow.  Then again what will I do to stop this?  Write a blog - post a comment here and there.  My laziness is indicative of a generation, we have accepted the status quo and deserve our fate.

Enough bile, perhaps something light hearted next time.

Insider sources tell me that the Tories will be using this as a party political broadcast at the next election...Enjoy


Monday, 21 January 2013

Morose Mondays Return of the Morosity

Just when you think you're out - I pull you back in the infamous if distorted words of either Silvio or Don Corleone.  That's right the highlight of your working week returns.  Morose Mondays is back and with it another interesting and amusing journey in human morbidity.  Last week the impassioned lawyer taught us an invaluable lesson in knowing when to quit, and before that the cannibalistic proletariat in post revolutionary France that one should not waste a good meal.  Though one should not be duped into believe that these posts impart any advice whatsoever.  The sole purpose of Morose Mondays is to impart some mildly amusing and interesting deaths.  I solemnly vow that this post will at all times place interest and amusement above any attempt to teach anybody anything.  

And so we move on.  The artistic types have always been a source of sorrow and fragile fluctuating emotions, be they musicians, painter, sculptor or Mario Balotelli there exists something in their psyche  that brings the wider public to believe them frankly unstable at best.  To be honest the reference previously was just a conduit to add this hilarious picture below.  




Poetry In Motion?

This week we journey to the year 2002, and the slightly sad yet amusing tale of one Richard Sumner (no relation to Gordon or Gotye - they must be related they sound too damn similar).  A tragic story really Richard was suffering from schizophrenia when he had the idea to to travel into deepest darkest Wales and handcuff himself to a tree.  Having succeeded in doing this he eliminated his route of escape by throwing the keys beyond his reach.  Fast forward 3 years and what must have felt like the opening scenes in Bones or Silent Witness became a reality for an unfortunate lost dog walker. The skeletal remains of a man who had handcuffed himself to a tree who the coroner noted "later changed his mind"...er not such a good idea after all

An artistic mind deep in the doldrums takes his own life "as lovers often do" if only he were less elaborate.  A lesson?  If you go down to the woods today you're sure of a big surprise...

For a funny interview with Gordon Sumner - YouTube has the flesh:

Friday, 18 January 2013

Southampton on the Adkins diet...

I am a terrible man, may I be forgiven, I promised in my last post that I would not make impassioned posts based on the behemoth that is football.  In light of the footballing headlines, that have been regurgitated more times than last nights pre-catwalk snacks, temptation got the better of me.  I make a solemn promise that the post after this one will not be sports related at all.

Nigel Adkins this week received perhaps the most undeserved firing since Roberto di Matteo, or Carlo Ancelloti, or Rafael Be...wrong month.  All I can do is add to the chorus of outrage that football fans from all over England currently feel.  What does one have to do right?  He successfully dragged Southampton from League 1, to the Championship, and now they are a Premier League team, this a proud club who not long before Adkins appointment endured the shame of administration.  Not only was Adkins at the center of one of English footballs finest stories of redemption, he also instilled with in his team a desire to play the game as it should be, on the ground, fast paced and with as many goals as possible.  Some credit has to go to Alan Pardew of course for stabilising the team, and injecting some fresh talent, such as Jason Puncheon scorer of midweeks equalising goal at the Bridge. 

Let us reflect on the start of the season, newly promoted Southampton faced both the Manchester clubs performing valiantly against United only for the genius of Robin van Persie to thwart them and Arsenal in their first 4 league games.  Unsurprisingly the points tally after these games was perhaps more familiar to any British Eurovision fans - nil poi - however did anybody truly expect any different? Yet for all his hard work Adkins was still according to the tamest media reports headed for the exit.  So less than 6 months on, Southampton sit in 15th place, looking as though they may yet be suited to life in top flight football having taken a point against two of the leagues "big boys" and all of a sudden, from nowhere Adkins is fired.  This begs the question why? There exists no other business model where year on year success is rewarded with such callous disregard.  Politicians probably would have felt disgusted by it such was the incredulity of the decision, if of course they knew anything about football or indeed where Southampton was located.

It seems to come back to the old adage that English managers just aren't fashionable.  Like him or hate him it was a point best made by Sam Allardyce some years ago, he pointed out that if his name were pronounced with an accent his managerial situation would have been greatly elevated, and that seems a fair analysis.  Ever since the initial success of managers such as Arsene Wenger almost every demagogue who runs a football club has been keen to bring in someone more continental.  Perhaps the best example of this is Christian Gross, poor chap.  

Nicola Cortese must have decided that Adkins was not fashionable enough, because seemingly his successor has little to boast in terms of achievement.  Perhaps Mauricio Pochettino is a man who will better attract continental talent? Who knows?  The fact is the English game has become a playground for people who either want to earn a quick buck or buy all the toys in the shop so none of the other kids can play with them. I suspect Cortes is an ideologue of the former rather than the later but both types can be as destructive as each over.  The quick buck earners drain quality from the game and the rich kids tend ensure the playing fields are constructed without a bubble level leaving the rest firmly in the shadows.  Cortese's handling of this matter has drawn the ire of the clubs fans, who in this day and age of the global armchair fan are increasingly overlooked.  If it were my team I would suggest a general boycott to reverse the ludicrousness, though that is fantasy.    Football has become more and more a theater than a sporting event, and Cortes has made himself the latest villain.  Its a sad point that thus far the villains seem to bathing in triumph (not Aston Villa), and there is little hope that any decency will survive in the game.


A delighted Roman Abramovich lauds the work of Cortese with his famous billionaire exaggerated slow-clap.

Asides all this dire and angry bile, there was other breaking news today - chiefly that Theo Walcott the accomplished striker and all round complete forward (and not a turns in a decent performance every few games at best squad player for a big club) has committed himself to not winning any trophies for the foreseeable future.  The saga that nobody really cared about, (except maybe Liverpool fans) has finally come to a dull conclusion.  Arsenal the financially hardened almost Dickensian club stuck to their guns and made Theo sweat to the point where he had to accept a paltry £100,000 per week contract.  Arsenal made it clear as far back as August that they would not be bullied or ransomed in to paying Walcott the £100,001 he demanded.  Well I hope Theo has learned a valuable lesson, I suspect the rest of his average squad will do well to learn it.  Staying with Arsenal AW has stated that having Diaby return to the first team squad is the equivalent of 10 signings and if he gets injured again which can't possibly happen then Arshavin may be utilized as a tough tackling holding midfielder for the remainder of the season.  
Theo Walcott "top top quality?"

Lastly I implore anyone who is thinking of having a punt this weekend or as Ray Winstone would say "Have a bang on" to check out the tips on Next Bet - Jamie Ellis' weekly article is scarily accurate and guaranteed to provide a few giggles before kick off not to mention the fact that he's an all round nice guy. See link below. 


Anyone looking for a stage managed belly laugh check out this exclusive talk sport interview with the man of the hour himself Josep Guardiola and why Germany was the right destination all along, at least Rafa will sleep somewhat easier now:



Having fulfilled my quota of bile, sycophancy and cynicism I bid you adieu.  Now if you are not a football fan and you made it to this point then my sincerest thanks, and stay tuned for something that I categorically state will not be football related.





Tuesday, 15 January 2013

How to put and end to the pedaling...or not

Firstly I have breaking news, Morose Mondays Part Deux now has the enviable prize of being the most read post on this blog, hopefully not for long!  I intend to implement a Japanese style business ethos to this blog - a dogmatic and unrelenting adoption of continuous improvement or Kaizan, which Wikipedia reliably informs me looks like this 改善 for all you logophiles.

I am a self confessed football fan, and worse yet an Arsenal fan, for those who do not share this affliction, fear not my blog will not turn into the ravings of yet another football madman, but a sporting story has caught my eye.  Lance Armstrong's cheating and his as yet unseen attempts to address what he did, mark an unsurprising final chapter in the saga.  Or not as the case may be.

Oprah Winfrey has gone on to say that she found the interview "surprising", and was "mesmerized and riveted by the kiss and tell.  The whole thing reeks of attempting to redeem a villain.  His voice is no longer needed. Lance Armstrong has along with the likes of  Contador, nearly entire cast of the 2006 Tour De France, and many others debased his entire sport, yet that does not mean that every cyclist is rotten to the core nor the sport in general.  'Clean athletes' exist, and they are the athletes we should focus our praises on, and who should bath in the limelight, besides I think all our lives could be benefited by the absence of yet another confessional interview.

Oprah and Lance kiss and tell.

The fact that Mr Armstrong has declined to take a quiet exit from public life in shame and disgrace has paved the way for draconian solutions to the doping problem.  Whilst one dick may have started this shameful episode in what has become a very popular sport, another Dick is determined to have the last word.  Enter Dick, Dick Pound.  The former President of the Anti-Doping Agency and a former Vice-President of the IOC, has waded into the row as men with macho names tend to.  His suggestion - ban cycling from the Olympics.  So basically cure the patient of the disease, by killing it, great idea.  Dick has been extremely zealous in his war against doping and should be commended for his efforts to eradicate it from the Sport in general, but one cannot help but think that Dicks reaction does seem somewhat, forgive me, rash and premature.


           "You’d think he’d be violating every virgin within 100 miles. How does he even get on his bicycle?"
Dick Pound commenting on Floyd Landis obscenely high testorone levels in the 2007 Tour De France.

The problems that Dick has spent a career battling and is trying to solve in the world of Sports will not be solved by an outright ban of the sport.  Indeed very little in this world is solved by banning something, in fact as soon as something is banned its application tends to proliferate, nuclear weapons are supposedly only allowed to be maintained by the Security Council yet we all know that just isn't so, similar comparisons can be drawn with alcohol in prohibition USA, and of course drugs.  Drugs are either an illegal or criminal substance the world over with some exceptions, yet they are used I dare say in every country, and probably in every sport.  The War on Doping may be just as futile as the War on Drugs at large, why not open up a two-tier system.  The first will be a competition for non-chemically enhanced athletes, the second for the dopers.  Both promise to be entertaining and will ensure that all athletes have an even playing field.  Perhaps it would even allow for a system where those who choose to dope can do so in the confines of a medically safe environment.  Its just a thought and one I hope that you - the reader - can engage with.  At least this way we won't have to go through a ridiculous process of punishing the honest to purge ourselves of the guilty.  Not to mention the practical implications of trying to track down all the those pedaling, at least in cycling.

Now to end on a note that will give hope to many remember this - Each and everyone one of you has won the same amount of Tour De France titles as Lance Armstrong - congratulations assuming of course Bradley Wiggins isn't subscribing to the feed, and if he is will he be able to confirm or deny the rumour that he is collaborating on a musical piece with the Mod-father himself?

Monday, 14 January 2013

Morose Mondays Part Deux

I hope that this sequel is better than the one I allude to in the title. Celebration and cheer takes hold of the population and infects the room as though it were a Manhattan influenza outbreak, why you ask?  Well in anticipation of a death most jovial of course, I know its disrespectful but the point of Morose Mondays is that the deaths featured here are either interesting of funny.  Who could forget last weeks Cannibalistic tale?  Well if you remember or not prepare to be wowed by this short, interesting, and hilarious story.  This weeks Morose Monday is dedicated to anybody in the sales industry and inspired by a conversation I had with a friend over the weekend who now works in said industry. When one must provide a product demonstration remember this brief tale when doing so - sometimes giving your all can result in you being turned into a collection of fresh pavement meat.

The year 1993, and 38 year old Canadian lawyer Garry Hoy from Toronto is giving some visitors a tour of the firms offices.  Now Gary happens to work in an impressive high story office tower, it was a particularly hot day and the attention turned to the buildings windows, would they open, and if so would they break?  Garry reassured the guests that the glass was "unbreakable".  Mere words would not do, a demonstration was required, Garry being the consummate professional launched himself against the glass, it didn't break, Garry had surely proven his point? Ever the lawyer Gary was determined to prove that the windows were unbreakable, one might say to the point where there could be no reasonable doubt.  Thus as he threw his body at the window, the pane of glass, dislodged itself from the frame, and poor Garry fell 24 floors to his untimely death.  Poor Gary.

In modern Mexican-Spanish the words Pena Ajena are apt, as far as I am aware there is no direct English translation, but loosely it describes the embarrassment one feels when watching the humiliation of another, essentially the kind of shirking laughter that is caused by watching a Ricky Gervais character, such as David Brent or by the realisation as an Arsenal fan that Tottenham are paying Emmanuel Adebayor a wage packet every week, the comical face palm moment.  It seems to fit here.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155020/butters-commits-suicide
See the link above for a partial reenactment, and remember no matter how well built, Windows will always crash.


Sunday, 13 January 2013

Cinematic Musings...

Though no expert I do love cinema and film, (I prefer the word film to movie, movie seems such and ogreish like way of describing what you are watching "ug ug, picture move - movies, you get the gist). So I feel it wise to share some film news/opinions, as always comment is welcomed.

Friday 11th of January 2013.  A day that may mean little to some, means to me everything.  Universal studios - have finally announced that the dinosaurs are coming back...in 2014.  A blog post alone does not really express my excitement or joy at this news.  Therefore for the next week onward I shall be doing the dinosaur jig, (right foot, left food, back back back decapitate for those of you wondering).

Sure it will have plot holes, and the human actors may not be all that we wanted, and Spielberg won't be directing but for all you naysayers I would like to point out that there will be dinosaurs, that alone is justification enough for making a the film.


                                                           Sequels find a way...

Other film news that caught my eye this week included Quentin Tarantino's blasting of Channel 4's Krishnan Guru-Murthy.  It was largely predictable - Channel 4 go in for the heavy hitting question that really doesn't need asking and Tarantino's response makes us all laugh.  Krishnan attempting to prod some kind of admission of guilt for the connection between gun crime and violence in Tarantino's work.  I suppose by implication everyone who watches Schindlers List and the Pianist has uncontrollable urges to commit genocide, but do you see anybody asking Stephen Spielberg whether his films have influenced the likes of Slobodan Milosevic - I jest.  The good people at youtube provide us the flesh:




All that aside Django unchained is in my view fantastic and I thoroughly recommend it to anyone with a thirst for action, great dialogue and some brilliant acting performances.  Ignoring Tarantino's obligatory cameo Foxx and Walz pair up superbly, and DiCaprio makes a convincing villain without giving anything away it was a film he literally bled for.  Django deals with the dark and horrid Slave Trade, whilst finding time to bring to us characters we can get behind, admire, and loathe, all the while offering comic relief reminiscent of Blazing Saddles.  In all - Tarantino still has the gift, listen out for some great songs here as well, whilst theres nothing as memorable as Steelers Wheel, or Brothers Johnson, or Misirlou the soundtrack is apt, and a tasteful mix of modern and old.

On another note I turn to Lincoln.  A film that will surely win Daniel Day Lewis another Academy Award, and deservedly so - but I personally can't help but feel its another ordinary film made fantastic by a stellar cast.  The film itself is similar to watching BBC Parliament for nearly 3 hours, as a political/historical buff I found it enjoyable but perhaps not worthy of some of the accolades it will most likely receive in the coming award ceremonies.   Tommy Lee Jones is fantastic and the cast in general pull out all the stops in recreating Civil-War USA.

So - Dinosaurs are back, Django is a must see and Lincoln whilst well exectued, is a tad caught up in the paperwork.  I'm off to watch Chrisopher Walken do as Chrisopher Walken does, 7 Psychopaths await.  When it comes to slave-freeing Abe's how can anyone out do this all round nice guy- be happy and remember - comments welcome.




Sunday, 6 January 2013

Morose Monday Part 1

My sense of humour is dark to say the least.  That is why every Monday I will post a short blog detailing an interesting death.  It has long been my opinion that when one has to deal with bad news, laughter is often the best coping measure.  It feels healthy and at the end of the day if your laughing then you certainly aren't crying right?

Whenever a celebrity dies we are flooded with details, most mundane, and so instead of adding to this cauldron of banal death, I want to share with the good readers an interesting death, in the vain hope that one day I will be able to bring to fruition a TV Show entitled - THE WORLDS MOST INTERESTING DEATH - all the death need be is interesting.

This week Morose Monday features the Alain de Monés, a French aristocrat.  This poor fellow had the misfortune to be cooked and eaten alive by villagers in Dordogne.  The culinary affair took place during a bout of mass hysteria, which makes is makes the fact that the villagers took the time to prepare the meat savage, but more importantly interesting.  Even in a state of 'mass hysteria' the French were concerned with what they were eating.  Even in a fit of cannibalistic rage, our continental... acquaintances...managed to stay classy and prepare their food to what I am sure was Michelin standard.

I wonder if Victor Hugo contemplated adding this little scene to his tale - would have loved to have had a crack at the song - and Anne Hathaway looks as though she could do with feeding, at least in the film.

For more details
http://books.google.co.uk/books/about/Village_of_Cannibals.html?id=7Caerdeu76IC

Until next Monday